All she had left were regrets… "I wish I took my time", said Laura. She was a well-mannered, beautiful and a successful chemical engineer in a relationship with a young, handsome and well to do guy called Henry. Laura and Henry had been dating for barely 3 months, when they began to have misunderstandings. They will spend days without talking to each other. Out of lust, Laura started admiring Tony, a friend of hers she had always considered just as a brother. She will meet him from time to time, mostly when her boyfriend wasn’t available to be with her. She finally broke up with Henry to be with Tony. Not more than two weeks in to the relationship, Laura realized that she wasn't really in love with Tony, but just lusted over his affection and care. Because of how fast she took things, she had to play along with the relationship in order to please Tony. Two week later, Laura found out that she was a month pregnant. Sadly, she didn’t know who was responsible. Henry was no longer part of her life, and Tony, her current boyfriend was not ready to accept the child. Scared of how her parents will react to this, she decided to abort the child. The process didn’t go well; she lost a lot of blood and consequently lost her life.
We could draw several lessons from her story, and a lot of people to blame. All of these resulted from carelessness in dating. Youth these days make many mistakes in the name of “dating”. As a wise person, you should learn from the mistakes of others. Here are 10 dating mistakes to avoid as a youth:
1. Dating without Goals
Most youths get into undefined relationships. Hence they do not see any future between them and their partners. All they have in mind now is enjoying their lives together, failing to understand that dating is a time where you plan for your future. Dating is supposed to be intentional.
2. Settling for Someone who isn't a Good fit
Some youths get into relationships with the mindset that they are not good enough. Thus, they settling for just anyone who comes their way. For instance, a 35 year old medical doctor (woman) completes school, gets a job, and is now ready for marriage. Because her age, most young men do not consider her for marriage, they prefer the younger women. Unless she has a good sense of self esteem, she will settle for someone who isn’t a suitable partner.
3. Comparing your Partner to your Ex
Our minds are constantly comparing different and if we’re not careful, it will slip into our relationships. Comparing your partner with your ex is one of the biggest mistakes you could make. It leads to resentment. No one wants to be compared with another person. “Pablo often apologized first after a fight even I was wrong, but Jacob insists on me apologizing first even when he is wrong”, “Anita had never asked me for money for up keep even when I knew she needed it, but Rita does that every week”… Such comparisons never end well. Understand that your people are different. Instead of comparing, rather address what you don’t like about the person.
4. Pretending to be Someone You’re NOT
Due to the fear of loosing their partners, some people fake their true personalities when they are in a relationship. They’re scared that he/she might not accept nor love them for who they are. You can’t build a solid relationship a foundation of lies. You also can’t fake being someone else for the rest of your life. Sooner or later you won’t be able to keep up with the charade. When dating, be yourself and if the person doesn’t like you, move on to someone else who will love the true you.
5. Looking for a Boyfriend/Girlfriend instead of a Life Partner
This is often the case between friends with benefits. They might not just want to be teased by their friends about being loners, so they just get someone who can accompany them to parties and clubs without any strings attached. What a pity? Such relationships never end well.
6. Forgetting That Other People Exist
Do you treat your partner like they’re your all in all? Some people tend to forget and neglect those who were were in their lives before they got into a relationship. They neglect friends who stood by them through thick and thin. They push every other person away forgetting that this relationship might not last. Sadly, if it ends, they find themselves alone. Now, it’s true that a potential partner should be one of your priorities. It however shouldn’t be at the expense of friendships you’ve built your whole life. You need a life outside of your partner and your friends are part of that life.
7. Thinking that You CAN CHANGE Your Partner
A guy asks you out, and after putting one and 2 together, you conclude that you want to date him. Since he meets “70% of your expectations” you feel like you can convert the remaining 30% to suit your taste. You fail to understand that you can't change anyone, you can only learn to love and accept them for who they are. Instead focus on finding someone that you appreciate now. Ask yourself this question: “If this person never changes, will I still be okay with him/her?”
8. Being too Needy for ATTENTION
You find yourself always being the one to text and call your partner first, always the one planning dates and outings in the relationship. This could be because you are scared of loosing them. However, these actions show that you are too needy for attention and you do not have faith in the bond you guys have succeeded to build since you started dating. Such a relationship cannot last. There must be reciprocity. No one can satisfy your need for attention. You were not meant to depend on someone’s attention. Your ought to live your life purposefully and a partner should come in only to enhance it.
9. Focusing only on your Partner's likes
Due to the circumstances surrounding your relationship, you may focus on the needs, desires, and likes of your partner, at the expense of your needs. To you, your satisfaction does not matter, if your partner is okay then you are okay. You won’t be able to keep up with constantly pleasing your partner while suppressing your needs. All the resentment built up will one day blow up in your face. While love is about sacrifice and serving your partner, it has to go both ways. Both parties should be willing to serve the other for it to work.
10. Keeping bad Memories and Vibes of past relationships
Some people after breaking up still carry the experiences, traumas, and hardships they went through in their previous relationships into their current relationship making it toxic for them and the other partner to stay in. As a result, they project the previous negativity onto their partner. No one wants to experience that. Hurt people, hurt people. If you’ve not healed from your past, don’t get into another relationship.
We hope you were enriched by these points. Are there any other common mistakes youths make in dating that you know of? Please share your thoughts in the comments. Also SUBSCRIBE to our channel for more valuable content. Thank you for reading and until next time, BESTech remains your best bet.