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How to Avoid BEING USED in a Relationship

Getting into a relationship is a beautiful thing, but it comes with its challenges. One of these challenges is the possibility of being used by your partner for their own selfish gain. This is a common problem that has ruined many relationships, leaving the victim hurt and broken. However, there are steps you can take to avoid being used. In this article, we will discuss these steps in detail and provide some solid points to help you avoid being a victim.


Let's take a closer look at Randolph and Jenny's relationship. Before Randolph met Sandra, he was in a relationship with Jenny, who loved him deeply. Jenny would do anything for Randolph, and he knew it. Unfortunately, Randolph did not reciprocate her love and he only saw her as an opportunity to fulfill his selfish desires. He would often cancel their plans, not return her calls, and prioritize his friends over her.





Despite all these, Jenny remained hopeful that things would get better, and Randolph would come to his senses and see her worth. However, things took a turn for the worse when Randolph met Sandra. Sandra was a beautiful woman who showed an interest in Randolph, and he was smitten with her. He believed that she loved him for who he was, but little did he know that she was only interested in his money.


Randolph started showering Sandra with gifts and buying her expensive things. He was blinded by his love for her and couldn't see the harm he was causing Jenny. He started ignoring her more and more until he finally decided to leave her for Sandra. The breakup was hard on Jenny, and she was left heartbroken and alone. She had invested so much into the relationship, but in the end, it was all for nothing.


Barely three month after, Randolph’s honeymoon sadly got cut short as Sandra left him for some richer guy. It then dawned on him that she was only interested in his money. He realized himself and how valuable Jenny was to him. He tried to win her back but it was too late. She was already with another man. All he could do was regret his mistakes.





I’m sure you empathize with both Jenny and Randolph. Smart people learn from their mistakes while wise people learn from the mistakes of others. To avoid making the same mistakes as them, you should take the following steps:


1) Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is essential in any relationship, be it romantic or platonic. It's important to communicate your expectations with your partner and be clear about what you're comfortable with or not. Boundaries help to establish respect and create a safe space for both parties. For example, you can set boundaries around communication, physical intimacy, and financial matters.


2) Pay Attention to their Actions

A survey conducted by the Pew Research Center found that 59% of adults believe that it is more important for a partner to be someone who is honest and trustworthy, rather than someone who has a good sense of humor or shares their interests [1]. This highlights the importance of paying attention to your partner's actions and evaluating their trustworthiness.


As the saying goes: “Actions speak louder than words.” You should pay attention to your partner's actions and see if they match with their words. If they promise to do something, do they follow through with it? Do they make time for you in their busy schedule? Do they show genuine care and concern for you? If the answer to any of these questions is no, then it's time to re-evaluate the relationship.





3) Communicate Openly

Communication is key in any relationship. It's important to be open and honest with your partner about your feelings and concerns. If something is bothering you, speak up and let your partner know. This will help to build trust and strengthen the relationship. Also, listen to your partner's concerns and try to find solutions together. Communication can help to avoid misunderstandings and promote a healthy relationship.



4) Take things Slow

A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that couples who took things slow in their relationship reported higher levels of satisfaction and commitment [2]. The study found that taking things slow allowed couples to build a stronger emotional connection and increased their ability to handle conflict.


Rushing into a relationship can lead you to making poor decisions. It's important to take the time to get to know your partner before making any commitments. This will help you to understand them better and determine if they are a good fit for you. Taking things slow can also help to avoid getting too emotionally invested too quickly and prevent heartbreak.





5) Trust Your Instincts.

Trusting your gut feeling is essential when it comes to relationships. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Listen to your instincts and act if necessary. If you feel that your partner is using you for their own selfish gain, it's important to address the issue and settle it as soon as you notice.


In conclusion, being used in a relationship is a painful experience that nobody wants to go through. To avoid being a victim, apply the aforementioned steps, and you will be able to build a healthy and sustainable relationship that will stand the test of time. If you have any questions or would like to suggest a topic for us to discuss, please leave a comment below. And if you found this article helpful, please share it with your loved ones and SUBSCRIBE to our channel for more content on love, marriage and relationships.




Our certified coaches are ready to help you to determine if your current partner is right for you. Go ahead and sign up for a FREE coaching session below. We look forward to meeting you. Thank you for reading and see you in the next one.




[1] Pew Research Center. (2019). Searching for love in the digital age. https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2019/02/14/searching-for-love-in-the-digital-age/ [2] Knopp, K., Scott, S., Ritchie, L., & Rhoades, G. K. (2018). Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 35(4), 525–545. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407517748139

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