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Why You Should TEACH Your Partner How to LOVE You

“Men don’t read minds, they read newspapers” - Mildred Kingsley-Okonkwo


Pastor and Bestselling author, Mildred Kingsley-Okonkwo often shares the story of an experience she had early in her marriage. Her husband did something to offend her. Since she grew up always bottling up her feelings, she didn’t express her frustration. Rather, she acted as if nothing was wrong and was going about doing her activities while “carrying her face”. Her husband noticed that something was wrong and asked her repeatedly. She replied saying nothing was wrong, yet her facial expression, tone, and body language clearly showed otherwise. She continued doing her duties. She was surprised at how her husband would enjoy her food and go about his business as if nothing happened. She had hoped that he would’ve noticed by now that she was upset. Why You Should TEACH Your Partner




The dance continued for three days. She had developed the habit of praying more when she was upset. While praying and worshiping, she would hear her husband doing the same even louder in another room, which surprised her all the more. “Which kind of man of God is this who is praying to God when his wife is upset,” she thought to herself. After three days, she couldn’t take it any longer and confronted her husband. She said: “Do you know you’re wicked.” He was amazed and asked to know why. She then expressed her frustration about him offending her and not realizing that she had been upset for three days. He laughed and said: “Is that what that was? I thought you were being spiritual.” He thought she needed space to spend time with God since she was often praying. He felt challenged by that and started spending time in prayer and worship as well. That’s when she realized in her words: “Men they didn’t dey… Men did not dey.” Men have no clue what’s going on in your mind. She was upset at her husband who had no idea that she was. Why You Should TEACH Your Partner





As funny as the above story is, we often experience that in our relationships. Women are more intuitive, and they usually expect their partners to decode what’s on their minds. However, men are not wired that way. Men are more literal. They usually have no idea. It’s unrealistic to expect him to read your mind. As Mildred Kingsley-Okonkwo says: “Don’t sulk, talk.” Instead of keeping quiet and acting up, just express your feelings to him. A lot of misunderstandings can be easily resolved by having a conversation. Why You Should TEACH Your Partner





Your partner may love you, and not know how to love you. Many good men are often frustrated not knowing what their partner needs. “If she would just tell me what she needs, I would give it to her.” The woman on the other hand is frustrated that he can’t tell what she needs from how she acts. The best way to resolve this is to teach your partner how to love you. Women often expect their partners to be romantic. Men are not naturally romantic. It takes coaching. At the beginning of their relationship, Mildred Kingsley-Okonkwo had to teach her husband how to be romantic. He had no clue. He often went for days without calling her because as a man he knew it wasn’t necessary when there was nothing to talk about. She then told him that he needed to call her frequently to check up on her. Women talk for affection; men talk for information. She had to teach him that. If she decided to wait and expect him to act accordingly, they probably wouldn’t have been married today. Most people have had failed relationships just because of this. You must teach your partner how to love you. Why You Should TEACH Your Partner



It is worth mentioning that her husband was open to learning how to love her. If you’re not teachable, you won’t learn how to love your spouse either. Whatever ideas or mindsets you have about the opposite sex won’t work for everyone. We’re all unique. If you grew up knowing that women like gifts but your partner just prefers spending quality time with you, then do that. Do what your partner wants and not what you think your partner wants. It’s our responsibility to let our partners know how we like to be loved. This is where love languages come in. You should know your primary love languages and communicate that to your partner. To learn more about love languages, we encourage you to read THIS article. Why You Should TEACH Your Partner




You’re probably thinking about how awkward it is to have to tell your partner what to do. “He should know, right?” You’re right, it’s awkward in the beginning, but that’s how they will learn and with time they’ll be able to know what you need intuitively. It won’t happen immediately. Now, you may say some guys know how to be romantic. It didn’t come naturally. They had to learn it either from others or from their past experiences. If no one is teaching them, how would they know? You’re in the best position to show them. Would you rather sit back and have a mediocre relationship throughout or show him or her and deal with awkwardness for a short time? It’s your choice to make. Why You Should TEACH Your Partner



Instead of criticizing your partner, teach them how to love you. Don’t expect them to read your mind. You know yourself better than them. Open communication will solve many misunderstandings. We hope this piece enriched you. Please use it to improve the quality of your relationship. Do well to share it to bless your family and friends. What was the main takeaway from this piece? Share with us in the comments. Also, SUBSCRIBE to our channel for more enriching content on love, marriage, and relationships. Thank you for reading and see you at the next one.

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