“Loneliness is not the absence of affection, but the absence of direction.” - Kingsley Okonkwo
If we’re being honest, we’ve all asked ourselves the above question at some point in our lives, especially if you’re single at the time of reading this. “I didn’t expect to still be single at this point. What’s going on? I should’ve been married by now. What’s really wrong with me? Why am I still single? Why? Why? Why?...” You see, the fact that you’re asking this question implies that being single is a problem. It’s like being single is a curse. Many people view singlehood as a period when they’re just waiting for marriage. They see being single as a burden. Why am I still single?
The fact that you have a problem with being single is why you’re still single. If you’re not fulfilled as a single, you won’t be fulfilled in marriage. If you’re unhappy as a single, you won’t be happy in marriage. If you’re lonely as a single, you will be lonely in marriage. Marriage won’t magically change who you are. Marriage won’t cure your loneliness. You’re not lonely because you’re single, you’re lonely because you lack direction. If being single is not a burden, what then is singlehood? Why am I still single? Why am I still single?
Singlehood is a blessing. Why am I still single?
Your single years are the best years of your life. Do you know what it means to just wake up and travel to wherever you want? Do you know what means to eat whatever you like? Do you know what it means to go out without worrying about what the kids will eat? You can do all of that and more when you’re single. Don’t be in a rush to get married that you miss out on this fantastic season of your life. This is when you’ll have the most freedom. People rush to get married with the hope that it’ll bring them happiness. Kingsley Okonkwo often says: “It’s easier to be happy when you’re single than when you’re married.” Some people disagree with this because of how marriage has been branded. They just find it hard to understand how one can be happy alone. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:32-33 (MSG): Why am I still single? Why am I still single?
“I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.”
As a single, you only have to please God and yourself. When you’re married, you must please your spouse, kids, extended family, and more. You can pray for as long as you want and fast whenever you need to when you’re single. When married, you can’t just fast at will, you must get permission from your spouse:
“The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:4-5)
This is not to say that we shouldn’t desire marriage. Marriage is a good thing, and we should desire it. However, we shouldn’t neglect our single years. We ought to make the most out of them. Once you’re married, you can’t be single anymore. How can we maximize our single years? For that, I encourage you to read THIS article titled “5 Things Every Single Should be Doing”. The main point it highlights is finding and pursuing your purpose. You ought to prioritize purpose over finding a partner. Your purpose is in God. When you seek God first, He will add everything you need, including your spouse. Why am I still single? Why am I still single?
“All of this is nice, but you’ve still not answered my question: Why am I still single?” The simple answer is that it’s NOT yet time for you to be married. We’re often ahead of God’s schedule. God is always on time, He’s never late. Keep waiting on God, pursuing your purpose, serving, and developing yourself. The Bible says: “He has made everything beautiful in its time. (Ecclesiastes 3:11 NJKV)”. When the time comes, and you finally meet that special someone, it’ll be more than what you wished for. Why am I still single? Why am I still single?
Marriage is NOT for Everyone Why am I still single?
I’m sorry to say this also but NOT everyone will get married. The Bible says in (Matthew 19:11-12 MSG):
But Jesus said, “Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn’t for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you can grow into the largeness of marriage, do it.”
This is one of the bitter truths in the Bible. Marriage may not be for you, and you have to be okay with that. The ultimate readiness test for marriage is whether you’re comfortable being single. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be married. As Jesus said, don’t only desire marriage, but do what’s necessary to prepare yourself for it. However, if there was no marriage, would you be happy and fulfilled? Think about it.
This article is an excerpt from my upcoming book titled: “Redefining Modern Dating: The Secret to Your Happily Ever After.” If you’re interested in reading the book, please take a minute to fill out this anonymous survey. It’ll help me to give you the best value possible. Also, JOIN our email list to get updates about the book and when it’ll be released. Please do share this with your loved ones. Thank you for reading and until next time, remain blessed.