Jeff had been dating his girlfriend, Tiffany, for six months when he noticed something strange about her. They were at a restaurant, and the waiter got his order wrong. Tiffany became extremely angry and began to berate the waiter, making a scene in the crowded restaurant. Jeff felt embarrassed, but he dismissed it as a one-time occurrence. Little did he know that this was just the beginning of the nightmare that was to come.
Over the next few months, Tiffany's behavior became increasingly erratic. She would often lash out at Jeff for minor things, and she would become extremely jealous and possessive of him. He couldn't talk to any female friends without Tiffany accusing him of cheating. But despite all this, Jeff stayed with her, thinking that he could change her and make things work.
One day, Jeff received a call from an unknown man who claimed his name was Leslie. Leslie told him that he had been dating Tiffany at the same time as him, and that Tiffany had been lying to both of them. Out of love for Tiffany, Jeff decided not to believe Leslie but his girlfriend. Time passed and things got worse between them and behold one Sunday afternoon, his phone got faulty and he had to use Tiffany’s phone for an urgent call. Unfortunately, that is just the moment Leslie called her, Jeff with confidence picked up the call because the number was stored as “Uncle Les”. Hoping to tell the “uncle” that Tiffany isn’t around, he couldn’t believe what he heard first: “Hello my love, please when are you coming….”, with the sound of the voice he heard from the strange man. Tiffany had been cheating on Jeff with Leslie, and had been manipulating both of them to keep them from finding out about each other. Jeff was devastated, but he knew that he should have seen the red flags earlier.
This is just one example of the many stories we hear about people ignoring red flags in their relationships. Red flags are warning signs that something is not right in a relationship, and they should never be ignored. Here are seven red flags you should never ignore when choosing a partner:
1) They are excessively jealous and possessive
A little bit of jealousy can be normal in a relationship, but if your partner is constantly checking up on you and accusing you of cheating, it may be a sign of deeper issues. Jealousy can be a sign of insecurity and controlling behavior, and it can be a major red flag. In fact, research has found that excessive jealousy is a common predictor of intimate partner violence (IPV). A study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that people who experienced more severe IPV had partners who were more jealous and controlling.
2) They try to isolate you from your friends and family
If your partner is trying to cut you off from the people who care about you, it may be a sign that they want to control you. Isolation is a common tool used by abusers to keep their victims dependent on them and should raise a lot of concern. According to a study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence (IPV), isolating behaviors are significantly associated with IPV perpetration.
3) They have a history of abusive behavior
If your partner has a history of abusive behavior, it is important to take it seriously. Abuse can take many forms, including physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, and is worth further investigation. Studies have found that, one in four women and one in seven men have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner at some point in their lifetime. If your partner has a history of abusive behavior, it is important to take it seriously and consider seeking help or ending the relationship.
4) They are dishonest or manipulative
If your partner lies to you or manipulates you, it is important to recognize it as a red flag. Dishonesty and manipulation can be signs of deeper character flaws, and they can lead to trust issues in the relationship. According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, dishonesty and deception are significant predictors of infidelity in romantic relationships. If your partner is not honest and upfront with you, that’s a red flag which shouldn’t be ignored.
5) They have anger management issues
If your partner has a temper and is quick to anger, it may be a sign of deeper issues. Anger management issues can lead to emotional and physical abuse and is a cause for alarm. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, verbal abuse, including yelling, name-calling, and belittling, is a common form of abuse that can escalate to physical violence. If your partner has a history of anger management issues or exhibits angry or aggressive behavior, it is important to take it seriously.
6) They don't respect your boundaries
If your partner is constantly pushing your boundaries and making you feel uncomfortable, it may be a sign of a lack of respect. Respect is an important part of any healthy relationship, and a lack of it is indicative of a larger issue. A study that was published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships showed that individuals who felt disrespected by their partner were more likely to experience negative emotions and relationship dissatisfaction. If your partner consistently disrespects your boundaries or makes you feel uncomfortable, it is important to communicate your concerns and set clear boundaries.
7) They are financially irresponsible
Money issues can be a major source of stress in a relationship, and if your partner is financially irresponsible, don’t ignore it. If your partner is constantly spending money on frivolous things or racking up debt, it may be a sign of deeper issues with money management. According to a survey conducted by the National Endowment for Financial Education (NEFE), relationships where one or both partners have issues with managing finances have a higher chance of ending in a breakup or divorce.
Choosing a partner is a significant decision that can impact your life in many ways. By being aware of these red flags, you can make a more informed decision about your relationship. At FyndLove, we believe that everyone deserves to be in a healthy, happy relationship. We are committed to providing resources and support to help you navigate the challenges of love and relationships. Sign up for a FREE coaching session with us today.
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