The reason why a woman will continue dating a man who consistently abuses her physically and emotionally is because she doesn’t love herself. The reason why a man will keep chasing a woman who is only after his money is because he doesn’t love himself. As the great book says:
“Love you neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31 NIV)
You can only love your neighbor as much as you love yourself. We tend to be very hard on ourselves at times. There are things that we will never say even to a stranger, yet we tell ourselves those things. If you don’t have a healthy sense of self love, then you won’t be able to love your partner in a healthy way. What does it mean to love yourself? In what ways can you love yourself? Consider these:
1. Develop Yourself
No matter what stage you are in life, there’s always room for growth and development. When looking for a life partner, most of us have long lists of the criteria we desire. But did you examine yourself to see if you have the same criteria that you’re looking for? The person you’re looking for also desires the same things as you. Unless your criteria match, you won’t attract this person. You need to consistently develop yourself to be the person you’re praying for as well. You must invest in developing yourself spiritually, mentally and physically. If you desire a praying wife, you must be a praying husband for her to accept you. If you desire a smart man, you should be able to engage his mind intellectually for him to accept you. To attract that good looking spouse, you need to look good yourself. That will mean hitting the gym regularly, dressing up nicely, and living a healthy lifestyle.
There are several ways to develop yourself. One of the main ways is by reading books. There are several benefits to reading which you can learn about from THIS VIDEO. Other ways include taking courses, learning a trade or skill, learning how to communicate, serving in your community, attending seminars or conferences and much more. You should aim to learn something new every single day. For more guidance on how you can develop yourself, SIGN UP for a coaching session with us.
2. Take Yourself Out on dates
A lot of people often feel depressed on Valentine’s day because they don’t have a date. It has become much worse in our social media age now that we’re exposed to images of others showing off their “interesting dates” online. Research has shown that suicide rates often increase from Valentine’s day and peak in April. Did you know that you could take yourself out too? We often tend to wait for others to invite us. Or we don’t want to go out unless it’s with friends. If no one is taking you out, take yourself out. It’s perfectly okay. If you can’t enjoy your own company, why would someone else enjoy it? You should be enjoying life as a single instead of just waiting for marriage to complete you. Learn more about 5 things you should be doing as a single.
3. Buy Yourself Gifts and Treats
A lady once went online a few weeks before Valentine's Day and ordered herself a gift to be delivered at her workplace. She included a card in the gift which said it came from a secret admirer. Of course when she received it in the office in the presence of her colleagues she probably felt good. But none of it was real. She went through all of that just to make others believe that she got a gift from someone else on Valentine's Day. Her motive for buying the gift was to impress others. She did the right thing for the wrong reason. Living your life trying to impress others is a ticket for sadness and depression. She did well to buy herself a gift though.
You can buy yourself a gift and send it to you, with a card from you. Instead of just buying something normally, you can make it special by wrapping it up nicely and having it delivered. Instead of feeling sad that you didn’t receive a gift, buy one for yourself. If you can’t buy yourself a gift, why should someone else do it? Invest time and resources for self-care. Book a spa session if you love going to the spa, get a movie ticket if you enjoy movies, get tickets for a game if you’re into sports, and whatever else you enjoy.
4. Be True to Yourself
If you try to make everyone else happy, you’ll end up being unhappy. Know who you are and stay true to yourself. Don’t compromise your identity or core values just to please someone. Maybe you’re saving yourself till marriage; if so don’t let anyone pressure you into having sex before marriage. Be ready to walk away from those who don’t respect your values. Stick to your standards. Being true yourself doesn’t mean that you won’t do self-improvement. There maybe certain habits you need to stop and others you need to develop. For instance, you may be unable to hold a conversation. Don’t just sit back and say: “That’s how I am”, no, you ought to work on those things to be the best that you can be.
5. Value Yourself
I remember the story of this lady who was cohabiting with a guy. The guy often abused her and cheated on her. He would squander her money on fake business ideas. He would bring other girls to their place and force her to sleep on the couch. He treated her so disrespectfully, yet she chose to stay. That’s because she didn’t really value herself. Moreover she had already slept with him, thus she felt that she had invested a lot to just walk away. Just thinking about it is sad. Don’t let anyone treat you like that. People treat you depending on how you treat yourself. That’s why you ought to value yourself and set standards.
6. Encourage Yourself
We live in a broken world where everyone is fending for themselves and those they care about. Life gets hard and sometimes you may not have people to encourage you. What should you do? Encourage yourself like David did:
And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the Lord his God. (1 Sam 30:6 KJV)
To give some context, David’s camp was attacked and plundered and all their wives and children were captured. Because of their pain, and being their leader, his men began to blame him for their misfortune and they thought of stoning him. People tend to blame those in charge for their difficulties. David had no one to turn to but God and so he encouraged himself in the Lord. That’s an example we ought to follow.
7. Pray for Yourself
This is a habit everyone needs to develop. Just as you pray for others, pray for yourself. When you feel stressed, don’t worry, pray. Pray and thank God for what you already have and for what you hope to have. Prayer is the only way through which we can get God to intervene on earth. If you’re faced with any difficulty, pray about it. Pray, pray and pray.
That’s all folks! What else do you do for self-love? Please share with us in the comments section below. As usual we’re here to help you to find the love you desire. Just book a FREE coaching session with us.
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